quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
