I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
