I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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