sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
