Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
