are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
