They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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