I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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