Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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