is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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