I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
