God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
worst night to have a conscience
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
