You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
