I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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