I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
