Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
