OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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