evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
