Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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