don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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