Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
