Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Randomize
