Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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