Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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