from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
