fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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