I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
