Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
