Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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