i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think I am morally bankrupt
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize