Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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