Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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