My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
