You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
