Dude my mom stole all your condoms
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
