she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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