when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
