I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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