Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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