Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
