I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
