Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
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can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We left an ass print on the piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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