i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
