Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
When are your genitals available?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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