Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My feet surprised me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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