I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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