Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
