the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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