he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
