Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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