too bad you live with your parents still
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
