i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
