More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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