i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
