Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
