just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
