are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
