mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
