i just google imaged poop.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
