I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
