Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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