there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Im part way to drunk.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
