im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
