Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
