Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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