Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
