New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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