He passed out mid-signature
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
