he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
