I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
