He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
