I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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