Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
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So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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