Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
