shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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