The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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