Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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