Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
