What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
