I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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