My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
