Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
