i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
