I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
