apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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