I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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